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Don’t Date Game Vixen of The Week: Poison Ivy

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Poison_Ivy_040

Kiss of Death-

Women can do wonderful things with their mouths (yes feminists, I include talking as well, as long is it is about dinner and they are still in the confines of the kitchen) and Poison Ivy can kill people with hers. Depending on the back story, she either secretes or constantly wears deadly poison on her lips. Why would she wear poison lipstick? Well it isn’t because her name is Poison Ivy. If that were the case she would give you an itchy venereal disease; no it is because she knows that she is hot and she likes to kill men. A standard date would go something like the following: You meet up for a romantic picnic under the stars, she asks you if you got her that super serum that makes plants grow 9001 times bigger, you say “Of course my sweet,” she releases spores that make you want to mash her mouth (like she needs them,) you kiss her, you die, she laughs and takes over the world.

 

Lets also not forget her Jailbait superpower.

 

She is Batshit (lol) Insane for Plants-

I want you to go to the mirror, take a look and answer the following questions: Do you have green rubbery leafs, roots that dig deep into the soil, or budding flowers coming out of your stems? If you answered yes to any of these questions then you are a plant and I am terrified that you can not only read but use the internet; if you answered no, then I am relieved but Poison Ivy is going to be as dry as the Sahara Desert around you. She is obsessed with plants, so much so that many of her targets for crimes are only guilty of harming the environment in some way. If she had to choose between a tree and you, she’ll kill you then go at the tree for an hour.

The only reason she keeps men around at all, is that she has the ability to control the weak minded so that they can help her protect her plants. Why is she like this? Well, because she has a hyper active immune system and she can’t have any children. So, her plants are her children. This means that if you accidentally step on a flower, at best you are taking a cold shower, at worst you’re fed to her real loves. She is like a crazy cat lady, only instead of cats, she has plants and vines that would make even someone with a tentacle fetish think twice. Trust me: the crazy and homicidal girls are trouble.

Scared Yet?

That concludes our first Don’t Date Vixen of the Week, but would you still date her? Got an idea for next week? Disagree with a part of the post? Want to tell me go to hell? Then leave a comment below!

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Comments (2)

  • DJ L Toro

    how dare you, pamela isley is a classy lady.

  • Colten Timmons

    I am impressed Name that you know her….name.

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