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Don’t Date Game Vixen of The Week: Poison Ivy

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Poison_Ivy_040

Many a gamer has fantasized about their favorite video game babe and the wonderful sweet digital love that could be made with them. While perusing the many forums around the web I have found that some go as far as thinking that many of these femme fatales would make excellent girlfriends or wives. There are plenty of sites on the net that offer up the sexiest and most desirable of a plentiful stock of game vixens, but only us here at PSUni  have the balls of steel to tell you how it is, and what bad babes to avoid.

So in case you suddenly get a genie, reality warping powers, or consume copious amounts of LSD: read up. Week after week we will make you think twice about your secret fantasy relationship with the girl of your dreams. Which brings us to Batman Arkham City’s own Poison Ivy. Flowers are pretty and Poison Ivy is no exception. When she isn’t terrorizing Gotham or trying to feed orphans to plants in an effort to save nature, you can often find her lounging around the internet looking something like this:

 

Mother Earth: The Ultimate MILF.

So why would you turn down this lovely leafy lady for a salad toss? I mean she is sexy, smart, sterile, and she is an archvillainess to Batman, which alone gives me a halfy. Well, my poor naive misinformed casual acquaintance, let me tell you.


She’s all natural-

Like many hippies that came before her, Poison Ivy is not too keen on bathing and has been untouched by a razor. As a plant/sex goddess hybrid, she soaks in water, but the chemicals in soap would damage her delicate leafs, and thus we have a woman who smells like someone who rolls around in dirt all day and has B.O. built up from decades of sweaty battles with Gotham’s Finest. Okay, so you are a smarty pants and say, “Wait up Coltron, are you some kind of noob or something? She can release fragrances and smell fantastic!” Well you sir seriously need to A) Get a girlfriend and B) Realize that covering up a smell is different than removing it.

Think about the bachelor days of many college youth, they have no time to bathe, they have beer pong to play and finals to fail. So they pour on gallons and gallons Axe Body Spray trying to hide the fact that they have been stewing in booze and hookers all night. How effective is this? It isn’t. Instead of booze and hookers, they now smell like booze, hookers, and gallons of cologne. Ivy is the same, there is that hint of roses, but there is also the overwhelming stench of decaying plant matter.

Another thing to consider is that she doesn’t shave…..her armpits, yeah we will go with that. Now I am not saying armpits have to be sexy, in fact armpit porn is my 3rd least favorite kind of porn; however, armpits also shouldn’t be forests where aphids and Voltron knows what else reside. You might be able to over look it now, but wait till she gets older and the beard starts coming in.

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Comments (2)

  • DJ L Toro

    how dare you, pamela isley is a classy lady.

  • Colten Timmons

    I am impressed Name that you know her….name.

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